Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Day 2 - Post Resignation and Reservations

Today the letter that I wrote for the office folks, to inform them of my leave, was sent out to the floor.

I now have 14 emails in my inbox congratulating me on my move.

Yesterday, My boss got a copy of my official resignation and called me practically in tears, full of excitement, beaming and congratulating me on FINALLY doing what it is I really and truly want to do.

Something she said to me yesterday was the most poignant thing anyone has said yet.

"What's the worst that can happen? The worst thing that can happen is you don't give it a try and in 10 years, you look back and regret never trying"

She's right.

I'm thrilled and excited.

I was planning to wait till my mother was feeling better and up and walking again before I broke the news to her, but yesterday I was just too excited and proud that I finalized my decision, so I told her early.
She wasn't beaming, or excited, or happy, or proud that I had made the choice to go after my dreams.

In fact, the conversation wasn't great.

But My mother is thinking about the kids and stability and the future from her own perspective.
I understand that she doesn't see things as I do and I understand her concern is that I not screw myself and my future and the future of the kids.

I can accept that she is not comfortable with my decision. I am comfortable with it and I know that, despite not having a pensionable job, I will still be working hard at securing a stable and secure future for the kids and I.

I will have one of my best friends, Jordenne, at my side to support me, and love me, and kick me in the ass when I need it. I will have her humour and hard headed, no bullshit attitude to keep my confidence up and remind me that even when things SUCK, life is still worth laughing about.

I will have My Moon at my side, to keep me calm, rational, and relaxed. To remind me that life isn't always about money and things. To hold up my head when my head won't hold on. To keep me sexy. To keep me kind. To keep me balanced. To keep me humble. To wean me off the system and its toxins. To bare witness to my crazy and understand even the most irrational moments of my mind, and then make sense of it all. To remind me that I'm not at all crazy and I'm not the only one. To keep me warm at night. And most importantly, to keep me human.

I will have my babies at my side every weekend. Their hearts will keep my own heart full up with love. Their energy will keep me young and on the run.  Their smiles will keep me motivated. Their soft lips will keep me warm when I am tired and cold.  Their little hands will keep me strong in the face of fear.  Their laughter will keep me going when I am dragged down and feel as though I just can't push any harder.

Despite all of these supports, I still have moments of fear.  Not fear about whether or not this is the right choice, but fear of random other things.

Today, it's the cold, though I have lived through colder! But Today's reservation.... FREAKING FUCKING ALBERTA WEATHER! Shovelling hay in -30!

 I need BOOTS!  I need winter carharts! I need Gloves! I need long underwear! I need a proper coat!  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Sorta wishing I was a yak this winter!  They always look so warm. Maybe I'll learn to spin Yak Yarn :)

Anyway, Today is another day! My dreams are coming true. I'm proud and have amazing supports all around me and I am excited !

Till tomorrow...

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