Day 3 - Panic, Passion and Peace

I had a moment of terror last night.

I was hit like a truck by fear. I couldn't understand why the fuck I had decided to give up everything I know in the city, a job I have been with for 6 years (today is my six year anniversary), a decent income and the comfort and independence of my own little basement suite.

I asked Straggling, "WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING? This is possibly the most fucked up idea I have ever had to date!"
I asked Jordenne, "Please tell me this is a good idea? Remind me WHY this is a good idea?!"

Jordenne's reply "This isn't a good idea. THIS IS A GREAT IDEA!"

Straggling - "The question is.... is this your dream?"

The answer is, Yes this is my dream.

But girl don't let your dreams be dreams 

You know this livings not so hard as it seems

Don't let your dreams dreams

And so I have moments of panic, and then I fight those moments of panic with my passion for a what I really want to do with my life.

Do I really want to spend the rest of my life getting fatter and more unhealthy sitting at a desk in an air conditioned office? 

No

Do I really want to fight traffic daily just to get my kids off to day care on time so that I can get to the office on time so that I can make money? 

No 

Do I really want to shop at the big box grocery stores and have no means to take care of my family if those big box grocery stores run out of food?  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUbKin-zrj4) 

No

Do I want to be reliant on a system that I can not control, can not predict and can not in good conscious rely on? 

No

I legitimately fear that the peek oil crisis is going to have an insane impact on the world wide food industry.

I realize that everything you purchase from the SUPER stores is DRIPPING in oil. I realize that with an oil shortage, the cost of food production will sky rocket and so too will the cost of food on the shelves. 

I don't want to meander through life blindly. I don't want to be scrambling for food when the supermarkets aren't getting the stock they need because of an oil crisis.

Everything we eat that is bought in the stores is oil... Oil for production, oil for pesticides and herbicides, oil for transport, oil for petroleum based packaging, oil for feed and for slaughter. Oil.  

How much oil is used to make one bottle of water? 

How much oil is used to make a pre-packaged ham sandwich? 

How much oil is in your kraft dinner?  

- Wheat - farmed with tractors run on oil, seeded with oil, threshed with machines run on oil

- Pesticides made with oil, shipped with oil, sprayed on with tractors run on oil

- Fertilizers - Made with oil, shipped with oil, sprayed on with tractors run on oil

- Wheat - shipped to a factory in trucks run on oil

- Factory - run on oil 

- Cheese - made with oil and chemicals

- Milk and butter - made from cows - shipped and processed in trucks and factories all run on oil

- Cows - fed on grains farmed with oil

- Wheat processed into noodles with machines run on oil 

- Boxes manufactured by machines run on oil 

- Ink to paint their pretty boxes made with oil, printed with machines run on oil

- Shipping from factory to Superstore in trucks run on oil

oil... might as well just drink the shit. 

And how oblivious we are at how much oil it really takes to get one simple meal to your plate.

I haven't been obsessive about what I buy, where I buy it and why I am truly buying the things I buy.

I have just bought the things I thought I needed, as I needed them. 

Only now am I waking up and seeing the bigger picture in all of this. 

And I just can't continue to be a part of this system.

I feel like I'm dripping in black tar... I want to shake off the black.

I want to be green. 

I want to sacrifice that which is killing me and my health and the health of this planet.

I want to get off this toxic fossil fuel addiction and start from scratch.

Go back to how things should be.

I don't want fucking creature comforts like flimsy little cheeseburgers and designer aesthetic garbage, like handbags and shoes, Coach and Luis Vitton, things that merely stroke the ego. "Run ragged by attachment, you find no comfort." - Dalai lama 

I want to let go of the ego and live green.

Black is such an awful colour on me anyway.  

So in all the panic, I look to my passion to remind me why I have made this choice...

And that is where I find peace.

I have found a beautiful peace, a sense of euphoria and bliss, in finally just giving up all that I have known so that I may learn a better way. 

I have no expectations.

I KNOW it will be hard, and cold, and miserable, and tiring, and frustrating, and I wont get enough sleep.. I dont get enough sleep now. 

But when I do go to sleep, I can lay my head down and be proud of my accomplishments and sacrifices. 

I may not make a big enough impact to change the world, or reverse the damage that has been done, but I can encourage others.

Some days I KNOW what I am doing will be revolutionary. 

Other days I still think I've lost my mind. 

I'd rather be a revolutionary who is insane.. than a hypocrite complaining about the system, doing nothing to change. 

Man sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. Then he is so anxious about the future that he doesn't enjoy the present: the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.

Don't let your dreams be dreams

Ssejors

Addressing Challenging Behaviours in Children With Down Syndrome

Looks like we need to start talking about our children and their Challenging (to say the least) Behaviours. As a parent, and a blogger, I think it would be good for us as a community AS A WHOLE to talk about our children's behavior. If anything it will only help us understand our kids, and I know it will personally comfort me and other parents to know that I am NOT the only one dealing with an exceptionally difficult child.

To start things off, I will share an article that my father found online for me one day when I called looking for my MOMMY, but she wasn't home. It was a good thing he answered because some days, it's better to talk to a less emotional , more Logic and Reasoning, kinda person. Not that my mother ISN'T logical and reasonable, but I AM NOT logical and reasonable when talking to her. Regardless, here is a link to the article. Addressing challenging behaviour in children with Down syndrome: The use of applied behaviour analysis for assessment and intervention

It is a very in depth paper and not something that is easily perused.

As I mentioned in an earlier post this week, I have a girl who comes to the house to work with Hunter 5 days a week now. She plays with him for 2 hours a day and is there specifically to help me work with Hunter on certain Challenging Behaviours.


First I will give you a run down on some (certainly not ALL, because I would be here all night) of the behaviours that Hunter is doing regularly.

~When Hunter is not given what he wants he will get angry and throw himself on the floor and smash his upper body backwards so as to smash his head on the floor. (Clearly he figured out that when he is hurt mommy and daddy come running)

~Hunter yells constantly and when asked to be quiet he will not listen. He shouts everywhere we go. On the bus, in the stores, EVERYWHERE. The bus driver the other day mentioned to me how he was being pretty quiet today.... I didn't think so. But I guess, comparatively he really WAS being quieter.

~He can not be left alone for any real length of time with his sister. He impulsively smashes her on the head, drags her around by her legs(which she actually thinks is quite hilarious), pushes her over or tries to undress her and remove her diaper.

~Hunter will RARELY take no for an answer and due to his lack of understanding and reasoning, giving him an answer is most often pointless.

~Hunt will not leave any clothes ON. He will not wear pants, shirts, diapers, pull ups, or anything on his body for any length of time unless it has been Hunter proofed, Read - Duct taped. 90% of the time he spends in zip up one piece sleepers that are either on backwards or taped across the zipper to keep him from taking off his clothes. If I DIDN'T tape his clothes on, I would spend my whole day cleaning my carpet and chasing him to put his clothes back on.

~Hunter has little to NO attention span and just runs from one toy to the next at an alarming speed. This is extremely challenging in that he is VERY difficult to contain for more than 3 - 5 mins or so. Anything beyond that and he will get very frustrated and angry. Sitting still for more than one or two pages in a book is completely unheard of in my house. Because of his lack of attention span, Hunter will not cooperate with a lot of tasks that are asked of him, like sitting still to have his shoes put on or waiting for his food.

~Hunt does not look or THINK about where he is going. In 2 and a half years, my son has had at least 4 black eyes, mostly because he just RUNS full bore into things. I can't seem to get him to slow down at all. I ask him to go slow and LOOK before he does things but he is constantly injuring himself by being careless.

~Hunter obsesses about certain things and he can't seem to be diverted from these obsessions very easily. For example, the diapers. The moment we put a diaper on him, he reaches for the Velcro tabs and starts pulling at them to take them off. There isn't even a SECOND where he will just wander around with clothes or a diaper on when he WONT instantly start taking them off. Even when his clothes ARE duct taped on, he will spend half the night trying to get them off. The telephone is another object that he obsesses about. No matter how many times I tell him NO you can't have the phone, he still points at it and asks over and over and over again in his own little Hunter way. "Neeh! Neeh! Neeeeeh!" Point Point Point, Signs please over and over and over again. Point point point "Neeh! Neeh! Neeh!" (We aren't sure what "neeh" means but I think it might be him trying to say please.

~The tap in the bath is yet another obsession and he WILL NOT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY LEAVE IT ALONE!

~Glasses are of course a challenge but that seems to be coming along with the help of Coleen.

~Hunter will not remain seated in any sort of Stroller, High Chair, Car seat, Shopping cart, ride on toy, or any other SEAT unless he is completely strapped in with a proper seat belt or harness that he can NOT undo. He is very good with buckles, zippers, belts and clips. I have booster seats that have little trays on them which I use all the time with Phoenix but I CAN NOT use them with Hunter because he will not stay in his seat. He just wants to climb out. I still use his old baby high chair with the five point harness to ensure his safety when he is eating.

~As I mentioned, Hunt is very busy and very curious, but do to the fact that he does not listen, cooperate, pay attention to where he is going or even have any sense of fear or danger (except loud noises like trains, that scares him), I can not let him have free run of the house. This causes exceptional behaviour issues with Hunter because he is pretty much forced to spend most of his time in our living room, which we have set up specifically for him. We have to maintain the baby gates at the bottom of the stairs and between the living room and the kitchen. This is strictly for his own safety at this point.

~Additionally, because he has ZERO attention span, he is VERY hard to entertain. He also does not play with things the same way other kids would. If I give him washable felt markers, he just wants to take the lids off then put them back on. On and off, on and off.... all day. If you give him a Tupperware bowl and a lid... he is in heaven. I struggle to find things to keep him busy, such as little projects, drawings, puzzles, books and such. He has no patience for any of that.

~Lastly, If MOM has asked me to do it... I'M NOT GONNA! If dad says NO, then it means NO. If Mom says no.. it means do it harder, faster and more furiously till she gets to me! ( I KNOW... That's totally Typical Two year old boy)


These are some of the things I contend with everyday while trying my hardest to not lose my SHIT!

I know that some of them are totally normal, while others are just so beyond annoying and not typical of a 2 and a half year old.


Ironically.. a friend of mine said she wished that some days her daughter could just be a "stereotypical child with Down syndrome," .. all smiles and cherubic. Frankly, I think this is TYPICAL of all kids with Down Syndrome, and anyone I have ever talked to who has raised a child with Down syndrome would probably agree. Stubborn, hard headed, determined and FIXATED! If only we as parents can work together to help each other out!


So this is where I ask YOU for your input. What kind of challenging behaviors do you deal with and how do you cope? How do you try to change them?