Day 8 - Courage and Convictions

Courage is the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation. "Physical courage" is courage in the face of physical pain, hardship, death, or threat of death, while "moral courage" is the ability to act rightly in the face of popular opposition, shame, scandal, or discouragement.



I dont really feel courageous. I just know that I am determined and ready. 

It's totally terrifying to some people that I would leave my job that provides me with security and stability and a pension. 

I'm sure my Grandmother is completely perplexed by it all. Me Ma says she didn't tell Gramma P about my plans, but she seems to know what's going on so I'm going to assume that she follows my blog and has had a chance to read since I started updating. 

Hi Gramma! 


I once told someone that I thought they were courageous for changing their life in a dramatic and drastic way. 
Her response was to ask me if I would think that someone who ran out of a burning building was courageous.
I told her no, not really, that running out of a burning building is something you do to save your life, and that it wasn't so much courage as survival. 

And I'm starting to feel that. 

I don't feel courageous leaving all of this behind. I don't feel brave. 
I feel like I have a duty to at least TRY to succeed at my dreams.
If I don't at least try, then what is the point of dreaming. 

So it is with great conviction that I will go against the grain.

City and Colour - Against the Grain 

You need not to climb mountaintops,
You need not to cross the sea,
You need not to find a cure for everything that makes you weak.
You need not to reach for the stars when life becomes so dark,
And when the wind does blow against the grain,
You must follow your heart,
You must follow your heart.
[ Lyrics from:

Day 5 - I shouldn't Rant at my Mother

I shouldn't rant at my Mother.

I love her with every speck of my soul

But I had to make things very clear....


So when she asked me WHY I had to be concise and clear.

Good morning. 

I guess for me I can see both sides. Like the song. - I've looked at life from both sides now. 

i can see why you want to get out of the city and the struggles you have with the daily city grind. There are possibly things that could be done make it not hard. And I see the kids will need to live in one place for school. 

I also see how you have always been so independent. You did what you wanted and took advantage of the opportunities that were there. You have always been so proud of how independent and hard working you were. The reason you have always been so independent is because you were hard working and you had control of your own finances and your own destiny. 

So as you get older - ask me as I know that happens - I see that without your own finances - you will become more dependent on those around you. You will give up the ability to choose. And that may at times be difficult. You may not get to do something you might want to do - like come to Vancouver. Or take the kids on a trip. Or as the kids get older they will spend more time with friends. And then as you get older you may wish not to work so hard - or are unable to work so   Hard then you become even more dependent on others to provide you with the basic needs of food and heat and stuff. I see a loss of independence for you. That is what troubles me a bit.  

I see that because I am here - not able to work. But I do see what you mean about the farm. I just see both sides.  

I love you 

Mum

Sent from my iPad

Here is my email reply to her this morning

Well maybe I should just stay here on my fat ass at TELUS, and work for money and live in this shitty city and be dependent on THIS system. The system of grocery stores, and capitalism, an economy that I cannot control and a system that is bound to collapse.

I could spend hours explaining it all to you, but you would just think I’m a conspiracy theorist nut case.

Or I could link you to a bunch of documentaries that you could watch while you are laid up in bed.

Or I could just tell you that there is no way for the systems that are in place now, to continue to maintain and support us into infinity.

WATER…

ECONOMY

OIL

WATER is first and foremost the most important commodity on earth and we are running out of fresh water faster than we know what to do about it.

But the average person like yourself, doesn’t REALIZE that and frankly, because of cognitive dissonance, the average Joe won’t even ACCEPT or understand the scale at which WATER is disappearing.

This isn’t even about TELUS about WORK about doing something different.

This is about permanently securing a future for myself and the kids.

This is about continuing.

This is about finding a way to ensure that PHEE can have kids and her kids can have kids.

Because with our current WATER crisis, we are going to have water wars in the next 10 – 15 years.

An economic collapse is inevitable.

Water wars are inevitable.

And everyone else can sit in their cushy fucking houses and be ignorant and naïve and think that nothing with ever change but I refuse to be ignorant.

WHERE WILL YOU BUY FOOD WHEN YOU CANT GO TO SAFEWAY?

Have you ever ever asked yourself that?

Probably not. Because you assume there will always BE grocery stores.

Are you aware that a grocery store only CARRIES 3 DAYS worth of food because it cannot hold more than that and it’s not cost effective or SAFE to keep more than a 3 day store of food? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUbKin-zrj4 

So what happens, when, let’s say oil prices sky rocket and the cost of transporting food goes up and your fancy Safeway in Caulfield hasn’t got any raw fruit and veg?

Where will you get fruit and veg?

Where will everyone in WEST van and lions bay get fruit and veg?

WHAT HAPPENS When the cost of oil is so high that ENGLAND who IMPORTS 87% of their FOOD Can No LONGER afford to pay to have their food shipped in on trucks?

WHAT happens to YOU when your taps no longer give you free running fresh clean water?

Do you know how many fucking people on this earth LIVE without TAPS?  Without clean running fresh water?

So what will YOU DO?

You know what you will do when the shit hits the fan, because it completely and undeniable GOING TO HAPPEN, You will come to beautiful Bergen Alberta, where I will have cisterns full of water, set up to catch water from the rain, the roof, the snow. Water purification systems set up to clean that water.

I just cannot live blindly, and oblivious to the fact that in 50 years… this world is NOT going to be what we know now.

I NEED TO SECURE A FUTURE FOR HUNTER AND PHEE.

MY CHILDREN WILL SURVIVE AND HAVE CHILDREN

And I will survive. And YOU WILL COME TO ME AND SURVIVE

And you can think that all of this is just conspiracy. But the FUCKING REALITY is that my children are going to be ALIVE in 50 years.

HOW MUCH OIL DO WE HAVE LEFT?!  AND HOW MUCH WILL THAT OIL COST in 25 years… 50 years?

The idea behind all of this is very very very simple.

SECURE YOUR OWN SYSTEM FOR SURVIVAL

Because I CANNOT In good conscious rely on the systems in place.

There is just too much pointing to inevitable collapse.

I’m sorry if all this sounds harsh, but this is it.

I don’t want to have to riot and fight in the streets of Calgary for FOOD and WATER and GASOLINE.

I don’t want to be living in a cold basement suite without any way to heat that basement suite WITHOUT GASOLINE or electricity.

I can’t heat water, clean water, purify water in that basement suite without gasoline or electricity.

In Alberta, my electricity IS GAS.. Natural GAS that they are FRACKING out of the ground WITH WATER!!! 

RUINING the water tables and the streams to SUCK the water out of the rivers and FORCE it back down INTO the earth to make the ground unstable and toxic, for natural GAS.

CAPITALISM has FUCKED us COMPLETELY.

Capitalism forced us into a state of complete disaster and gluttony.

Capitalism forced agriculture to a state of MAX capacity, where NOW!!! RIGHT NOW, ONE of the LARGEST threats to the environment in the fucking USA, is the WASTE produced by PIG FARMS… POISONING the water supply.

There are people all over the world right now, who understand the bigger picture, and they are leaving their lives within this system, walking away from everything and starting over, the right way. The way we used to do things.

There are people all over the world who are trying to fight MONSANTO and fight for SEED FREEDOMS.

And the people will not WIN against Monsanto. This company and this corporation is too big to fail. So instead of fighting against the systems and protesting… I’m going to GROWTEST..

IM GONNA BUG OUT OF THIS INSANITY AND GROW. AND THRIVE and NOT BE DEPENDENT ON THE TIT OF THE GOVERNEMENT AND ALL THE SYSTEMS IN PLACE.

And I will be thankful when a majority of the populations of these massive cities, is wiped out with riots and famine.

VANDANA SHIVA  http://www.facebook.com/savetheseed?fref=ts

I just cannot be a part of this system of EGO, GREED, SELFISHNESS, IGNORANCE, OBLIVIOUSNESS, And WASTE, VIOLENCE, and Destruction.

I do not HAVE to live within society and I do not agree with capitalism and I will not participate in it any longer. Its freaking INSANE to assume we have NEVER ENDING OIL SUPPLIES and NEVER ENDING WATER supplies and that the GROCERY stores will ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLWAYS be there to feed us, and we can go buy BRIE or EGGNOG when ever our little fucking heart’s desire and we can SHOWER ever day twice a day just because we have the luxury to do so.

HOW LUXURIOUS we will live when the government realizes that CANADA is running out of fresh water and has to regulate WHEN and HOW often and HOW long we shower for.

Are you aware that it is illegal to shower for more than 5 minutes in Australia?

ILLEGAL.

And right now… Scott and Jon and Andrea and Jordenne and I will all be looked at like extremist NUTCASES…

But I PROMISE and GARANTEE YOU That in 20 years, we will be 20 years AHEAD of the game.

Because this is coming down the pipe, and I will not wait until it is too late.

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/prophets-of-doom/

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/blue-gold-world-water-wars/  

 http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/dont-talk-about-the-weather/

 http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/the-world-without-water/

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/flow-for-love-of-water/ 

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/garbage-warrior/

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/how-to-save-the-world/

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/addicted-plastic/

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/earthlings/

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/the-world-according-to-monsanto/

I included all the links in the email for her as well. 

I may be extreme, but the fact remains. This is why I have made this choice. 

Day 4 - FIRED?

Not me.

Jordenne.

Fired! FIRED !

I can't be happier.

Jordenne is going through some emotional and mental moments.

She is having some back and forth. She knew she was going to be fired and that is exactly what she wanted, because she was counting on the two weeks severance pay, but she is still a little upset by the whole thing.

This is only the second time in her life that she has ever been fired from a job.

You see, Jordenne's EX boss is a moron who has no idea how to run a business, is not properly involved in his businesses and is failing miserably at maintaining his businesses. So, as to not LOSE his business, he needed a scape goat.  Jordenne was his fallguy.  Head office wanted an explanation for the business and it's lacklustre performance so his explanation was that Jordenne was the problem.

So head office insisted that Jordenne be fired. What head office will soon learn is that Jordenne was NEVER the problem and that she was in fact keeping things together. Now that she is gone, the business will continue to fail and at a much faster rate and eventually the finger will be pointed to the REAL problem, and that problem is JOE.

Jordenne KNEW that the politics were in the works and that Joe was looking to fire her. The only mistake she made was in assuming that he would wait until after Christmas to fire her.   Instead, he fired her yesterday.

This has actually made things EASIER for everyone.

With Jordenne being fired AFTER Christmas, and my leaving my job on the 14th of December  it meant that we would have to do two separate moves. I wanted to be up in Sundre and settled before Christmas so the kids could have a nice holiday without moving boxes and chaos.

Jordenne wasn't able to move until AFTER Christmas.

Now, she has three and a half weeks to get herself organized before the move and we can move everything in one fell swoop.

Last night she spent a lot of time staring into space trying to understand it all. At one point she was asking if she manifested and orchestrated all of this.
I told her there was absolutely no way that she had orchestrated this happenstance.

He boss is a moron, has always been a moron and is completely oblivious as to how to properly run a business. He doesn't actually show up to the office to work, he can't properly maintain the vehicles and the tools that his employees use, he bounces rent checks, pay checks, and basically, is barely keeping his head above water. Over the last few weeks, the lady from head office had started looking into the problems that HIS particular franchise was having and was asking Joe questions and poking around.  All of it was out of Jordenne's hands, and as the MANAGER of the business, all the problems COULD be attributed to Jordenne with EASE.

The fact that Jordenne increased sales for Joe over the last year was ignored. She was given a raise and offered a bonus at the beginning of the year, a bonus that Joe NEVER paid her. Everyone of the employees who works there for Joe was in tears when Jordenne left and even the accountant texted her to tell her that he fought for her right up to the last minute and that he was very upset that Joe had decided to fire Jordenne.

I can see why all of this is a little upsetting for Jordenne.  She is a stellar employee and a very hard worker, with passion and commitment.

She was fired without cause, given her last checks and two weeks severance and was told she could keep the car that was given to her for personal reasons, which is in her name.

The first thing her boss told her when he walked in the room was, "I have these checks for you."
When Jordenne told me that, I laughed so hard. Seemed like Joe was VERY aware of what he was doing, So he handed Jordenne her checks, Said here is some money, I am firing you. Cowardly.

But again, this is actually for the best, because Jordenne is going to use the next three weeks to get her ass organized and packed and we will rent a uhaul and move everything all at once. Christmas in Sundre this year and she wont be alone in Calgary for the Holidays!

Today Jordenne texted me at 8 am. "This is so weird. Not having a job and having it not be my choice. Just weird."

What made me chuckle is that she is still UP and out of bed before 8 am....

I told her if she needs work she can clean my house today in exchange for a hot meal.

I love you J.  This will be the best adventure ever.

The Great Pumpkin Hunt !

We took the kids to the Great Pumpkin Hunt at Butterfield Acres here in Calgary.

ORIGINALLY, we were supposed to meet up with other members of Ups and Downs, but I quite obviously did not read the Invite close enough and the Wagon ride that the Ups and Downs folks were on LEFT for the pumpkin patch at 10:00 am sharp. We showed up around 10:30! Ha ha! Butterfield Acres was very nice about letting us go for our Wagon ride out to the pumpkin patch anyway. All three of the kids got to hunt out a pumpkin to take home with them!

Phee getting ready

Uhmmm... There was a distraction on the right there...

And there is Hunt, Off chasing the goat!

MY NEWEST FAVORITE PICTURE!

/swoon!

Daddy /wink wink!

Oh So Handsomes!

I love this picture below!

It makes me chortle!

All three boys are looking in TOTALLY different directions!

And Hunter seems to be the only one looking at the camera!

TURDLE!

Our Ride out the the Great Pumpkin Patch!

Hunter heading off on his pumpkin hunt!

Can you See the Pumpkins?

Phoenix Found One!

Hunter on the Wagon!

Me and Phee!

So Pretty! My Little Phoenix!

Terrible Pictures!

But here is Hunter right there in the middle of the beasties!

Addressing Challenging Behaviours in Children With Down Syndrome

Looks like we need to start talking about our children and their Challenging (to say the least) Behaviours. As a parent, and a blogger, I think it would be good for us as a community AS A WHOLE to talk about our children's behavior. If anything it will only help us understand our kids, and I know it will personally comfort me and other parents to know that I am NOT the only one dealing with an exceptionally difficult child.

To start things off, I will share an article that my father found online for me one day when I called looking for my MOMMY, but she wasn't home. It was a good thing he answered because some days, it's better to talk to a less emotional , more Logic and Reasoning, kinda person. Not that my mother ISN'T logical and reasonable, but I AM NOT logical and reasonable when talking to her. Regardless, here is a link to the article. Addressing challenging behaviour in children with Down syndrome: The use of applied behaviour analysis for assessment and intervention

It is a very in depth paper and not something that is easily perused.

As I mentioned in an earlier post this week, I have a girl who comes to the house to work with Hunter 5 days a week now. She plays with him for 2 hours a day and is there specifically to help me work with Hunter on certain Challenging Behaviours.


First I will give you a run down on some (certainly not ALL, because I would be here all night) of the behaviours that Hunter is doing regularly.

~When Hunter is not given what he wants he will get angry and throw himself on the floor and smash his upper body backwards so as to smash his head on the floor. (Clearly he figured out that when he is hurt mommy and daddy come running)

~Hunter yells constantly and when asked to be quiet he will not listen. He shouts everywhere we go. On the bus, in the stores, EVERYWHERE. The bus driver the other day mentioned to me how he was being pretty quiet today.... I didn't think so. But I guess, comparatively he really WAS being quieter.

~He can not be left alone for any real length of time with his sister. He impulsively smashes her on the head, drags her around by her legs(which she actually thinks is quite hilarious), pushes her over or tries to undress her and remove her diaper.

~Hunter will RARELY take no for an answer and due to his lack of understanding and reasoning, giving him an answer is most often pointless.

~Hunt will not leave any clothes ON. He will not wear pants, shirts, diapers, pull ups, or anything on his body for any length of time unless it has been Hunter proofed, Read - Duct taped. 90% of the time he spends in zip up one piece sleepers that are either on backwards or taped across the zipper to keep him from taking off his clothes. If I DIDN'T tape his clothes on, I would spend my whole day cleaning my carpet and chasing him to put his clothes back on.

~Hunter has little to NO attention span and just runs from one toy to the next at an alarming speed. This is extremely challenging in that he is VERY difficult to contain for more than 3 - 5 mins or so. Anything beyond that and he will get very frustrated and angry. Sitting still for more than one or two pages in a book is completely unheard of in my house. Because of his lack of attention span, Hunter will not cooperate with a lot of tasks that are asked of him, like sitting still to have his shoes put on or waiting for his food.

~Hunt does not look or THINK about where he is going. In 2 and a half years, my son has had at least 4 black eyes, mostly because he just RUNS full bore into things. I can't seem to get him to slow down at all. I ask him to go slow and LOOK before he does things but he is constantly injuring himself by being careless.

~Hunter obsesses about certain things and he can't seem to be diverted from these obsessions very easily. For example, the diapers. The moment we put a diaper on him, he reaches for the Velcro tabs and starts pulling at them to take them off. There isn't even a SECOND where he will just wander around with clothes or a diaper on when he WONT instantly start taking them off. Even when his clothes ARE duct taped on, he will spend half the night trying to get them off. The telephone is another object that he obsesses about. No matter how many times I tell him NO you can't have the phone, he still points at it and asks over and over and over again in his own little Hunter way. "Neeh! Neeh! Neeeeeh!" Point Point Point, Signs please over and over and over again. Point point point "Neeh! Neeh! Neeh!" (We aren't sure what "neeh" means but I think it might be him trying to say please.

~The tap in the bath is yet another obsession and he WILL NOT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY LEAVE IT ALONE!

~Glasses are of course a challenge but that seems to be coming along with the help of Coleen.

~Hunter will not remain seated in any sort of Stroller, High Chair, Car seat, Shopping cart, ride on toy, or any other SEAT unless he is completely strapped in with a proper seat belt or harness that he can NOT undo. He is very good with buckles, zippers, belts and clips. I have booster seats that have little trays on them which I use all the time with Phoenix but I CAN NOT use them with Hunter because he will not stay in his seat. He just wants to climb out. I still use his old baby high chair with the five point harness to ensure his safety when he is eating.

~As I mentioned, Hunt is very busy and very curious, but do to the fact that he does not listen, cooperate, pay attention to where he is going or even have any sense of fear or danger (except loud noises like trains, that scares him), I can not let him have free run of the house. This causes exceptional behaviour issues with Hunter because he is pretty much forced to spend most of his time in our living room, which we have set up specifically for him. We have to maintain the baby gates at the bottom of the stairs and between the living room and the kitchen. This is strictly for his own safety at this point.

~Additionally, because he has ZERO attention span, he is VERY hard to entertain. He also does not play with things the same way other kids would. If I give him washable felt markers, he just wants to take the lids off then put them back on. On and off, on and off.... all day. If you give him a Tupperware bowl and a lid... he is in heaven. I struggle to find things to keep him busy, such as little projects, drawings, puzzles, books and such. He has no patience for any of that.

~Lastly, If MOM has asked me to do it... I'M NOT GONNA! If dad says NO, then it means NO. If Mom says no.. it means do it harder, faster and more furiously till she gets to me! ( I KNOW... That's totally Typical Two year old boy)


These are some of the things I contend with everyday while trying my hardest to not lose my SHIT!

I know that some of them are totally normal, while others are just so beyond annoying and not typical of a 2 and a half year old.


Ironically.. a friend of mine said she wished that some days her daughter could just be a "stereotypical child with Down syndrome," .. all smiles and cherubic. Frankly, I think this is TYPICAL of all kids with Down Syndrome, and anyone I have ever talked to who has raised a child with Down syndrome would probably agree. Stubborn, hard headed, determined and FIXATED! If only we as parents can work together to help each other out!


So this is where I ask YOU for your input. What kind of challenging behaviors do you deal with and how do you cope? How do you try to change them?

THE AFGHAN IS COMING! THE AFGHAN IS COMING!

In February of 2009, one of the most wonderful and passionate advocates for Down Syndrome that I personally know of, started a project called the T21 Traveling Afghan Project.TY CJ!I instantly signed up knowing how amazing and wonderful this adventure was going to be to follow.I HAVE BEEN WAITING EVER SINCE!!!And today I have been informed that the Afghan is headed my way. En route even!I couldn't be happier. I can't wait to share in such a wonderful, WORLDWIDE Adventure.It feels to me like we are weaving the afghan with our hearts and our stories, with our love and our families. With every new family that receives the Afghan, the afghan gets bigger. With every new child who holds the afghan, it gets stronger. I don't ever want it to stop. Here is a run down of the The T21 Traveling Afghan Project.(I'm sure if you have been following my blog you will probably already know a little bit about it)There is a T21 Afghan is making an amazing adventure!!

The handmade blanket is traveling from one family to another who has a family member with Down Syndrome. The family member can be of any age, from birth through the senior years. The family can also be located anywhere on the globe.

The afghan will travel from one family to another, along with a journal.

Each family, upon receiving the afghan, takes a picture of their family member with it and we post it on on this blog under the Label "T21 Travelling Afghan". After having the afghan for bit, the family writes a note in the journal and sends it off to the next family,who's address I will email to them.
As soon as we get our global gift in the mail I will be sure to take lots of pictures and post of our own adventures with the afghan. I am also hoping to get both of my wee babies an Afghan of their own. I would be more than honoured to have a little piece of the whole enormous project!I also want to thank CJ for all the wonderful work she has done, hand making all the afghans, working so hard to unite the Down Syndrome world and giving everyone a tie that binds.

Hear this prayer
of the
wampum

This is the tie
that will
bind us

Picnic in Cochrane!

Dave and the kids and I went on a nice Saturday picnic and hike yesterday! It was pretty nice out, not too cold at all. We had lunch first then hiked to the top of this little hill in this park in Cochrane. I made a cold shrimp pasta salad, deviled eggs, veggies and dip and rice pudding for the picnic. While we were in Cochrane, Dave took me to a little quilt shop called Addies. They had a pattern for a little girl's Shrug that I had been looking all over the Internet for and luckily for me Addies happened to have it! Now I have a new project! Here is a picture of the Shrug that I intend to make.