I bought a table cloth

I feel like I missed the Adulting and went straight to old ladying...

It's an earthy natural cream colour with an off-white lace.  I bought lace.

I wanted the table cloth so the kitchen table might look    Nicer.

Now I have a table cloth with lace trim.  Just the trim.

I was talking with me Ma about my Grandmother on my fathers side of the family this evening.


She was a lovely, wonderful soul. I adored her, as I adore my Grandmother Pauline on my mother's side.

Grandmothers are amazing women, who have always, in my mind at least, been so full of interesting stories, amazing aromas, the softest hands, the best food and the warmest laps.

I miss my Grandma Jackie.
I miss my Grandma Pauline... :(

I wish we didn't get old.


Soon I'll be sixty years old, will I think the world is cold
Or will I have a lot of children who can warm me - Lukas Graham

This is me getting old. 

Here We Again

I haven't written anything in a while.  I probably have a million reasons or excuses for not having time to blog.  I didn't have a functional computer. Blogging from my phone is awful. I have a few more dependents.  My skin isnt really any better. I barely have time to shower....

Yadda Yadda Yadda!

I can't explain and I won't even try

The baby is napping, I have laundry to fold and I would like to have a shower before I go see the doctor.  So right now isn't even the best time. But I need a coffee and a sit down.

Jack and I will be picking up Phoenix today and taking her to get her hair did, her nails did and have some sushi with Aunty Chelly Belly.  I'll be back this evening to post the summer vacation photos!

Phee has a thread Dread in her hair. I put it in last week.
Her hair is getting very long. 

Jack being Super!

Jolly Jumping Jack

Its beautiful here today. 

Clubs for feets

As if changing diapers with my skin condition wasn't bad enough.  

Try changing the butt of a kid wielding these bad boys like clubs on his feet. 

I have to deke in and out while he throws his legs around, trying to not get smashed on the wrists or knuckles. He's scraped up his change table and pretty well ripped one end of the change pad all up with his foottastic thrashing. 

 

But he's just so gosh darn cute! 

Check out my old school mattress from my aunt.  I love this bed tho. 

Idle hands.

Ack.

I can't remember the last time I wrote something here. 

Me ma says I should start blogging again. I'm bored and she's usually right. Like 89% of the time. 

So here I go. Making an effort to revive this blog.  

I can do this!  I'm nursing bubba Jack while we watch The FBI Files from 1998. What better time to blog randomly? I'm multitasking!  

Wanna see a picture?  

This ^^ is bean eating my honey garlic chicken wings.  I can't seem to convince him that the sauce goes in your mouth not in your ear. 

Here's Jack. Thing 3!   He's 5 months. Born August 13!  Happy Jack. Captain Jack. Jumping Jack. 

We loves him. 

Jack right now. 

Well.  I'll be back.  

Welcome back to you.... Constant reader. 

Women are like waves

Women are like waves.  I come and go in waves.  Up and down, ebb and flow. Full of energy then back to low. only to fill back up again.

I'm coming back around to blogging. (:

I currently have over 575 photos to upload and a month and a half of blog updating to do.

More New Content To Come

I have had a week or more of busy chaos, bronchitis, kids, and work, packing and cleaning that I have had to deal with so there is a lack of posts for which I will apologize for now.

We are moving tomorrow.  Uhaul is Booked. 5 people have lined up to help us move. I couldn't be happier or more appreciative. I don't know what I would do without the folks who are coming over to help.

Thank you all. . .  :)

We are starting around 9 -10 depending on when people show up and when we can get the truck.

I have packed nearly everything.

All that remains are

- a few loads of laundry to finish, because who the hell packs dirty laundry...
- the kids bunk beds need to be disassembled
- Toilet needs to be remounted
- My bed needs to be disassembled
- Table disassembled
- Bathroom Stuff packed
- 7 Bag of empties to the depot
- Kitchen cleaned and remaining crap packed


The kids helped me pack up all their toys and babies.
Tweak will go in a cat carrier.
Hiccup with go into my picnic basket :P

Oh Here is Hiccup. I don't think I have mentioned that I acquired a Giant Flemish Rabbit named Hiccup !

Here is an aerial view of the Farm :) 

Day 9 - Are We There Yet?

I'm having a hard time this week, getting through the last sort of stretch before moving.

I have a million things to do, specifically, packing, cleaning, liquidating household items, and just general preparations for the move.

I am squirrelling away cash and empty cans.

I have a small nest egg started and I cashed in any shares that I could sell, which will come in handy while I look for work.

I'm not worried about finances as I am rather employable and have never had issues finding work.

Right now I just DO NOT feel like packing or cleaning, but I really should get on it. I have the kids the week before I move, right up until the day before I move, so there is a lot of stuff I really CAN'T do until they are out of the way. Specifically, taking their bunk bed apart, packing their clothes, toys and books.

I have spent a lot of time talking to Phoenix about the move. Explaining to her that we will be moving. She said she wants to bring her bed and her pillows, and her babies and her boots. I told her I would make sure she has EVERYTHING and that momma wouldn't leave anything behind.  She looks forward to living with Leif and Lucy and I can tell she feels good about having Jordenne there as well.

Personally, I just want it all to be over. I want the job, the move, the packing, unpacking, the house arranging, and anything else JUST DONE.  I want to be in my new home trimming my tree with the kids while we make a yummy dinner and listen to music.  But I suppose I have to make all those things happen...

So I spend half my day harassing Jordenne to get her butt in gear. I spend my nights quasi organizing, selling things on Kijiji, giving away furniture and other odds and ends that I know we wont use.

I've collected hundreds of empty cans that I am going to have to find time to bag and return. I have shelves and cupboards full of things to sort, liquidate, pack or throw away. I have three beds to take apart, dressers to go through, empty, bag up and liquidate. I have dishes to pack, bathrooms to clean, cats and rabbits to organize....

And picking away at things really isn't my FORTE. I much prefer to just Go hard, but I don't want to cause too much stress to the kids and want them to be impacted as little as possible. I did things much the same when I moved into this place I am in now. I made sure Dave had the kids, and did the whole move while they were with him. They showed up to the new place and everything was already there, set up and ready to go. They weren't living in a house full of boxes and chaos. This is my hope for this move as well. I would like to have everything moved and unpacked in the week that they are with Dave, right before Christmas, so that I can just pick them up on the 21st and head up to the new house, already ready for them. :)

I KNOW I am capable of pulling it off. I can pretty much do anything I set my mind to, I just... tend to stress about things... obsessively. LOL

So tonight my GOAL, after the kids are in bed is, to go through my china hutch, cupboards and closets and pack a bunch of boxes of things we don't use often. Margarita glasses, martini glasses, yarn, yadda yadda yadda. Things that the kids wont notice, but still need to go into boxes.



Ugh

Wish me luck. It's all doable.. I just don't want to be the one to do it... :)

Day 8 - Courage and Convictions

Courage is the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation. "Physical courage" is courage in the face of physical pain, hardship, death, or threat of death, while "moral courage" is the ability to act rightly in the face of popular opposition, shame, scandal, or discouragement.



I dont really feel courageous. I just know that I am determined and ready. 

It's totally terrifying to some people that I would leave my job that provides me with security and stability and a pension. 

I'm sure my Grandmother is completely perplexed by it all. Me Ma says she didn't tell Gramma P about my plans, but she seems to know what's going on so I'm going to assume that she follows my blog and has had a chance to read since I started updating. 

Hi Gramma! 


I once told someone that I thought they were courageous for changing their life in a dramatic and drastic way. 
Her response was to ask me if I would think that someone who ran out of a burning building was courageous.
I told her no, not really, that running out of a burning building is something you do to save your life, and that it wasn't so much courage as survival. 

And I'm starting to feel that. 

I don't feel courageous leaving all of this behind. I don't feel brave. 
I feel like I have a duty to at least TRY to succeed at my dreams.
If I don't at least try, then what is the point of dreaming. 

So it is with great conviction that I will go against the grain.

City and Colour - Against the Grain 

You need not to climb mountaintops,
You need not to cross the sea,
You need not to find a cure for everything that makes you weak.
You need not to reach for the stars when life becomes so dark,
And when the wind does blow against the grain,
You must follow your heart,
You must follow your heart.
[ Lyrics from:

Hands on a Grain of Sand

Day 5 - I shouldn't Rant at my Mother

I shouldn't rant at my Mother.

I love her with every speck of my soul

But I had to make things very clear....


So when she asked me WHY I had to be concise and clear.

Good morning. 

I guess for me I can see both sides. Like the song. - I've looked at life from both sides now. 

i can see why you want to get out of the city and the struggles you have with the daily city grind. There are possibly things that could be done make it not hard. And I see the kids will need to live in one place for school. 

I also see how you have always been so independent. You did what you wanted and took advantage of the opportunities that were there. You have always been so proud of how independent and hard working you were. The reason you have always been so independent is because you were hard working and you had control of your own finances and your own destiny. 

So as you get older - ask me as I know that happens - I see that without your own finances - you will become more dependent on those around you. You will give up the ability to choose. And that may at times be difficult. You may not get to do something you might want to do - like come to Vancouver. Or take the kids on a trip. Or as the kids get older they will spend more time with friends. And then as you get older you may wish not to work so hard - or are unable to work so   Hard then you become even more dependent on others to provide you with the basic needs of food and heat and stuff. I see a loss of independence for you. That is what troubles me a bit.  

I see that because I am here - not able to work. But I do see what you mean about the farm. I just see both sides.  

I love you 

Mum

Sent from my iPad

Here is my email reply to her this morning

Well maybe I should just stay here on my fat ass at TELUS, and work for money and live in this shitty city and be dependent on THIS system. The system of grocery stores, and capitalism, an economy that I cannot control and a system that is bound to collapse.

I could spend hours explaining it all to you, but you would just think I’m a conspiracy theorist nut case.

Or I could link you to a bunch of documentaries that you could watch while you are laid up in bed.

Or I could just tell you that there is no way for the systems that are in place now, to continue to maintain and support us into infinity.

WATER…

ECONOMY

OIL

WATER is first and foremost the most important commodity on earth and we are running out of fresh water faster than we know what to do about it.

But the average person like yourself, doesn’t REALIZE that and frankly, because of cognitive dissonance, the average Joe won’t even ACCEPT or understand the scale at which WATER is disappearing.

This isn’t even about TELUS about WORK about doing something different.

This is about permanently securing a future for myself and the kids.

This is about continuing.

This is about finding a way to ensure that PHEE can have kids and her kids can have kids.

Because with our current WATER crisis, we are going to have water wars in the next 10 – 15 years.

An economic collapse is inevitable.

Water wars are inevitable.

And everyone else can sit in their cushy fucking houses and be ignorant and naïve and think that nothing with ever change but I refuse to be ignorant.

WHERE WILL YOU BUY FOOD WHEN YOU CANT GO TO SAFEWAY?

Have you ever ever asked yourself that?

Probably not. Because you assume there will always BE grocery stores.

Are you aware that a grocery store only CARRIES 3 DAYS worth of food because it cannot hold more than that and it’s not cost effective or SAFE to keep more than a 3 day store of food? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUbKin-zrj4 

So what happens, when, let’s say oil prices sky rocket and the cost of transporting food goes up and your fancy Safeway in Caulfield hasn’t got any raw fruit and veg?

Where will you get fruit and veg?

Where will everyone in WEST van and lions bay get fruit and veg?

WHAT HAPPENS When the cost of oil is so high that ENGLAND who IMPORTS 87% of their FOOD Can No LONGER afford to pay to have their food shipped in on trucks?

WHAT happens to YOU when your taps no longer give you free running fresh clean water?

Do you know how many fucking people on this earth LIVE without TAPS?  Without clean running fresh water?

So what will YOU DO?

You know what you will do when the shit hits the fan, because it completely and undeniable GOING TO HAPPEN, You will come to beautiful Bergen Alberta, where I will have cisterns full of water, set up to catch water from the rain, the roof, the snow. Water purification systems set up to clean that water.

I just cannot live blindly, and oblivious to the fact that in 50 years… this world is NOT going to be what we know now.

I NEED TO SECURE A FUTURE FOR HUNTER AND PHEE.

MY CHILDREN WILL SURVIVE AND HAVE CHILDREN

And I will survive. And YOU WILL COME TO ME AND SURVIVE

And you can think that all of this is just conspiracy. But the FUCKING REALITY is that my children are going to be ALIVE in 50 years.

HOW MUCH OIL DO WE HAVE LEFT?!  AND HOW MUCH WILL THAT OIL COST in 25 years… 50 years?

The idea behind all of this is very very very simple.

SECURE YOUR OWN SYSTEM FOR SURVIVAL

Because I CANNOT In good conscious rely on the systems in place.

There is just too much pointing to inevitable collapse.

I’m sorry if all this sounds harsh, but this is it.

I don’t want to have to riot and fight in the streets of Calgary for FOOD and WATER and GASOLINE.

I don’t want to be living in a cold basement suite without any way to heat that basement suite WITHOUT GASOLINE or electricity.

I can’t heat water, clean water, purify water in that basement suite without gasoline or electricity.

In Alberta, my electricity IS GAS.. Natural GAS that they are FRACKING out of the ground WITH WATER!!! 

RUINING the water tables and the streams to SUCK the water out of the rivers and FORCE it back down INTO the earth to make the ground unstable and toxic, for natural GAS.

CAPITALISM has FUCKED us COMPLETELY.

Capitalism forced us into a state of complete disaster and gluttony.

Capitalism forced agriculture to a state of MAX capacity, where NOW!!! RIGHT NOW, ONE of the LARGEST threats to the environment in the fucking USA, is the WASTE produced by PIG FARMS… POISONING the water supply.

There are people all over the world right now, who understand the bigger picture, and they are leaving their lives within this system, walking away from everything and starting over, the right way. The way we used to do things.

There are people all over the world who are trying to fight MONSANTO and fight for SEED FREEDOMS.

And the people will not WIN against Monsanto. This company and this corporation is too big to fail. So instead of fighting against the systems and protesting… I’m going to GROWTEST..

IM GONNA BUG OUT OF THIS INSANITY AND GROW. AND THRIVE and NOT BE DEPENDENT ON THE TIT OF THE GOVERNEMENT AND ALL THE SYSTEMS IN PLACE.

And I will be thankful when a majority of the populations of these massive cities, is wiped out with riots and famine.

VANDANA SHIVA  http://www.facebook.com/savetheseed?fref=ts

I just cannot be a part of this system of EGO, GREED, SELFISHNESS, IGNORANCE, OBLIVIOUSNESS, And WASTE, VIOLENCE, and Destruction.

I do not HAVE to live within society and I do not agree with capitalism and I will not participate in it any longer. Its freaking INSANE to assume we have NEVER ENDING OIL SUPPLIES and NEVER ENDING WATER supplies and that the GROCERY stores will ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLWAYS be there to feed us, and we can go buy BRIE or EGGNOG when ever our little fucking heart’s desire and we can SHOWER ever day twice a day just because we have the luxury to do so.

HOW LUXURIOUS we will live when the government realizes that CANADA is running out of fresh water and has to regulate WHEN and HOW often and HOW long we shower for.

Are you aware that it is illegal to shower for more than 5 minutes in Australia?

ILLEGAL.

And right now… Scott and Jon and Andrea and Jordenne and I will all be looked at like extremist NUTCASES…

But I PROMISE and GARANTEE YOU That in 20 years, we will be 20 years AHEAD of the game.

Because this is coming down the pipe, and I will not wait until it is too late.

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/prophets-of-doom/

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/blue-gold-world-water-wars/  

 http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/dont-talk-about-the-weather/

 http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/the-world-without-water/

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/flow-for-love-of-water/ 

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/garbage-warrior/

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/how-to-save-the-world/

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/addicted-plastic/

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/earthlings/

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/the-world-according-to-monsanto/

I included all the links in the email for her as well. 

I may be extreme, but the fact remains. This is why I have made this choice. 

Day 4 - FIRED?

Not me.

Jordenne.

Fired! FIRED !

I can't be happier.

Jordenne is going through some emotional and mental moments.

She is having some back and forth. She knew she was going to be fired and that is exactly what she wanted, because she was counting on the two weeks severance pay, but she is still a little upset by the whole thing.

This is only the second time in her life that she has ever been fired from a job.

You see, Jordenne's EX boss is a moron who has no idea how to run a business, is not properly involved in his businesses and is failing miserably at maintaining his businesses. So, as to not LOSE his business, he needed a scape goat.  Jordenne was his fallguy.  Head office wanted an explanation for the business and it's lacklustre performance so his explanation was that Jordenne was the problem.

So head office insisted that Jordenne be fired. What head office will soon learn is that Jordenne was NEVER the problem and that she was in fact keeping things together. Now that she is gone, the business will continue to fail and at a much faster rate and eventually the finger will be pointed to the REAL problem, and that problem is JOE.

Jordenne KNEW that the politics were in the works and that Joe was looking to fire her. The only mistake she made was in assuming that he would wait until after Christmas to fire her.   Instead, he fired her yesterday.

This has actually made things EASIER for everyone.

With Jordenne being fired AFTER Christmas, and my leaving my job on the 14th of December  it meant that we would have to do two separate moves. I wanted to be up in Sundre and settled before Christmas so the kids could have a nice holiday without moving boxes and chaos.

Jordenne wasn't able to move until AFTER Christmas.

Now, she has three and a half weeks to get herself organized before the move and we can move everything in one fell swoop.

Last night she spent a lot of time staring into space trying to understand it all. At one point she was asking if she manifested and orchestrated all of this.
I told her there was absolutely no way that she had orchestrated this happenstance.

He boss is a moron, has always been a moron and is completely oblivious as to how to properly run a business. He doesn't actually show up to the office to work, he can't properly maintain the vehicles and the tools that his employees use, he bounces rent checks, pay checks, and basically, is barely keeping his head above water. Over the last few weeks, the lady from head office had started looking into the problems that HIS particular franchise was having and was asking Joe questions and poking around.  All of it was out of Jordenne's hands, and as the MANAGER of the business, all the problems COULD be attributed to Jordenne with EASE.

The fact that Jordenne increased sales for Joe over the last year was ignored. She was given a raise and offered a bonus at the beginning of the year, a bonus that Joe NEVER paid her. Everyone of the employees who works there for Joe was in tears when Jordenne left and even the accountant texted her to tell her that he fought for her right up to the last minute and that he was very upset that Joe had decided to fire Jordenne.

I can see why all of this is a little upsetting for Jordenne.  She is a stellar employee and a very hard worker, with passion and commitment.

She was fired without cause, given her last checks and two weeks severance and was told she could keep the car that was given to her for personal reasons, which is in her name.

The first thing her boss told her when he walked in the room was, "I have these checks for you."
When Jordenne told me that, I laughed so hard. Seemed like Joe was VERY aware of what he was doing, So he handed Jordenne her checks, Said here is some money, I am firing you. Cowardly.

But again, this is actually for the best, because Jordenne is going to use the next three weeks to get her ass organized and packed and we will rent a uhaul and move everything all at once. Christmas in Sundre this year and she wont be alone in Calgary for the Holidays!

Today Jordenne texted me at 8 am. "This is so weird. Not having a job and having it not be my choice. Just weird."

What made me chuckle is that she is still UP and out of bed before 8 am....

I told her if she needs work she can clean my house today in exchange for a hot meal.

I love you J.  This will be the best adventure ever.

To Make A Farm

This Movie Makes Me Excited

To Make A Farm

Day 3 - Panic, Passion and Peace

I had a moment of terror last night.

I was hit like a truck by fear. I couldn't understand why the fuck I had decided to give up everything I know in the city, a job I have been with for 6 years (today is my six year anniversary), a decent income and the comfort and independence of my own little basement suite.

I asked Straggling, "WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING? This is possibly the most fucked up idea I have ever had to date!"
I asked Jordenne, "Please tell me this is a good idea? Remind me WHY this is a good idea?!"

Jordenne's reply "This isn't a good idea. THIS IS A GREAT IDEA!"

Straggling - "The question is.... is this your dream?"

The answer is, Yes this is my dream.

But girl don't let your dreams be dreams 

You know this livings not so hard as it seems

Don't let your dreams dreams

And so I have moments of panic, and then I fight those moments of panic with my passion for a what I really want to do with my life.

Do I really want to spend the rest of my life getting fatter and more unhealthy sitting at a desk in an air conditioned office? 

No

Do I really want to fight traffic daily just to get my kids off to day care on time so that I can get to the office on time so that I can make money? 

No 

Do I really want to shop at the big box grocery stores and have no means to take care of my family if those big box grocery stores run out of food?  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUbKin-zrj4) 

No

Do I want to be reliant on a system that I can not control, can not predict and can not in good conscious rely on? 

No

I legitimately fear that the peek oil crisis is going to have an insane impact on the world wide food industry.

I realize that everything you purchase from the SUPER stores is DRIPPING in oil. I realize that with an oil shortage, the cost of food production will sky rocket and so too will the cost of food on the shelves. 

I don't want to meander through life blindly. I don't want to be scrambling for food when the supermarkets aren't getting the stock they need because of an oil crisis.

Everything we eat that is bought in the stores is oil... Oil for production, oil for pesticides and herbicides, oil for transport, oil for petroleum based packaging, oil for feed and for slaughter. Oil.  

How much oil is used to make one bottle of water? 

How much oil is used to make a pre-packaged ham sandwich? 

How much oil is in your kraft dinner?  

- Wheat - farmed with tractors run on oil, seeded with oil, threshed with machines run on oil

- Pesticides made with oil, shipped with oil, sprayed on with tractors run on oil

- Fertilizers - Made with oil, shipped with oil, sprayed on with tractors run on oil

- Wheat - shipped to a factory in trucks run on oil

- Factory - run on oil 

- Cheese - made with oil and chemicals

- Milk and butter - made from cows - shipped and processed in trucks and factories all run on oil

- Cows - fed on grains farmed with oil

- Wheat processed into noodles with machines run on oil 

- Boxes manufactured by machines run on oil 

- Ink to paint their pretty boxes made with oil, printed with machines run on oil

- Shipping from factory to Superstore in trucks run on oil

oil... might as well just drink the shit. 

And how oblivious we are at how much oil it really takes to get one simple meal to your plate.

I haven't been obsessive about what I buy, where I buy it and why I am truly buying the things I buy.

I have just bought the things I thought I needed, as I needed them. 

Only now am I waking up and seeing the bigger picture in all of this. 

And I just can't continue to be a part of this system.

I feel like I'm dripping in black tar... I want to shake off the black.

I want to be green. 

I want to sacrifice that which is killing me and my health and the health of this planet.

I want to get off this toxic fossil fuel addiction and start from scratch.

Go back to how things should be.

I don't want fucking creature comforts like flimsy little cheeseburgers and designer aesthetic garbage, like handbags and shoes, Coach and Luis Vitton, things that merely stroke the ego. "Run ragged by attachment, you find no comfort." - Dalai lama 

I want to let go of the ego and live green.

Black is such an awful colour on me anyway.  

So in all the panic, I look to my passion to remind me why I have made this choice...

And that is where I find peace.

I have found a beautiful peace, a sense of euphoria and bliss, in finally just giving up all that I have known so that I may learn a better way. 

I have no expectations.

I KNOW it will be hard, and cold, and miserable, and tiring, and frustrating, and I wont get enough sleep.. I dont get enough sleep now. 

But when I do go to sleep, I can lay my head down and be proud of my accomplishments and sacrifices. 

I may not make a big enough impact to change the world, or reverse the damage that has been done, but I can encourage others.

Some days I KNOW what I am doing will be revolutionary. 

Other days I still think I've lost my mind. 

I'd rather be a revolutionary who is insane.. than a hypocrite complaining about the system, doing nothing to change. 

Man sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. Then he is so anxious about the future that he doesn't enjoy the present: the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.

Don't let your dreams be dreams

Ssejors

CONGRAT-U-FUCKING-LATIONS!!!!!

1:13 PM VMcNally

CONGRAT-U-FUCKING-LATIONS!!!!!

1:22 PM JB

:D !

Thanks lady!

im so fucking excited

Day 2 - Post Resignation and Reservations

Today the letter that I wrote for the office folks, to inform them of my leave, was sent out to the floor.

I now have 14 emails in my inbox congratulating me on my move.

Yesterday, My boss got a copy of my official resignation and called me practically in tears, full of excitement, beaming and congratulating me on FINALLY doing what it is I really and truly want to do.

Something she said to me yesterday was the most poignant thing anyone has said yet.

"What's the worst that can happen? The worst thing that can happen is you don't give it a try and in 10 years, you look back and regret never trying"

She's right.

I'm thrilled and excited.

I was planning to wait till my mother was feeling better and up and walking again before I broke the news to her, but yesterday I was just too excited and proud that I finalized my decision, so I told her early.
She wasn't beaming, or excited, or happy, or proud that I had made the choice to go after my dreams.

In fact, the conversation wasn't great.

But My mother is thinking about the kids and stability and the future from her own perspective.
I understand that she doesn't see things as I do and I understand her concern is that I not screw myself and my future and the future of the kids.

I can accept that she is not comfortable with my decision. I am comfortable with it and I know that, despite not having a pensionable job, I will still be working hard at securing a stable and secure future for the kids and I.

I will have one of my best friends, Jordenne, at my side to support me, and love me, and kick me in the ass when I need it. I will have her humour and hard headed, no bullshit attitude to keep my confidence up and remind me that even when things SUCK, life is still worth laughing about.

I will have My Moon at my side, to keep me calm, rational, and relaxed. To remind me that life isn't always about money and things. To hold up my head when my head won't hold on. To keep me sexy. To keep me kind. To keep me balanced. To keep me humble. To wean me off the system and its toxins. To bare witness to my crazy and understand even the most irrational moments of my mind, and then make sense of it all. To remind me that I'm not at all crazy and I'm not the only one. To keep me warm at night. And most importantly, to keep me human.

I will have my babies at my side every weekend. Their hearts will keep my own heart full up with love. Their energy will keep me young and on the run.  Their smiles will keep me motivated. Their soft lips will keep me warm when I am tired and cold.  Their little hands will keep me strong in the face of fear.  Their laughter will keep me going when I am dragged down and feel as though I just can't push any harder.

Despite all of these supports, I still have moments of fear.  Not fear about whether or not this is the right choice, but fear of random other things.

Today, it's the cold, though I have lived through colder! But Today's reservation.... FREAKING FUCKING ALBERTA WEATHER! Shovelling hay in -30!

 I need BOOTS!  I need winter carharts! I need Gloves! I need long underwear! I need a proper coat!  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Sorta wishing I was a yak this winter!  They always look so warm. Maybe I'll learn to spin Yak Yarn :)

Anyway, Today is another day! My dreams are coming true. I'm proud and have amazing supports all around me and I am excited !

Till tomorrow...

Day 1 - Decisions and Notice

Today I gave my notice at work.

I have agonized over the decision to move to Sundre for weeks now. I have gone back and forth with this for far too long, and I KNOW  with every ounce of my being that this move is the right thing to do. It's revolutionary. It's right. It's the start of a new life. It's real. It's amazing. It's scary. It's the start of a revolution. It will end my fucking hypocrisy. Plus, I just wasn't QUITE hippy enough.

Sadly, Nancy, the boss who I have had for the last year, went on sick leave due to cancer about a month ago. I had wanted to give her my notice as I know she would be ecstatic about my decision, but she wont be working for a while, so I gave my notice to an acting manager and another business manager on the floor who are covering for Nancy.

I told Elizabeth last week that I was ready to give my notice of resignation in December. Today I asked if she and Richard could have a meeting with me and I laid it all out for them as to when and why I am leaving Telus. Richard reminded me that because I am leaving on a good note with Telus, that I will always be welcome to return. I cried off and on through out the meeting and felt good about how it went.

After having the manager meeting, I took my two closets team mates aside and explained to them that I had given notice and my last day would be the 14th of December.  Matthew was extremely happy for me, Ivar is happy as well, though he is a bit emotionally distraught by the thought of my leaving the team.

I then took a moment to tell the rest of our network team that I had given notice and why I was leaving. Everyone seems to have a mixture of happy for me, and sad to see me go.

I don't think this is a real surprise to anyone as everyone here knows how passionately I feel about sustainability, and living a nature life, off-grid and outside of the system.

Against the Grain.

Today, I feel liberated.  Free... One step closer to my dreams.

Don't let your dreams be dreams.

I am less afraid now.

I will be sad to leave the office as I have made many amazing and awesome friends here. December 14th, I will cry.

One of my best friends in the whole world, My life wife, I met here at Telus, 6 years ago. It will break my heart to leave her behind. She is my rock, My love, My wife, My soul mate, and my gypsy queen. Every single day that I come to work here at Telus, she is here, and she has always been the best part of my day, and the most amazing thing to come out of this job. Telus served a purpose for me, and that purpose was to help me have the kids, and to meet Chelsea. Now I have my babies, and Chelsea will forever be my Life wife. If I leave Telus, I will not lose either, and so it is time to move on.

So Today...

I made the final decision and gave my notice.

I have decided that I am going to keep a blog diary to document the progress and process and pain that will be this new adventure.

I invite you to join me.

May I introduce Mabel! 

Holstein/Jersey Cross Milker.

She's just a baby but she's a rare breed milker and I look forward to learning to Milk her! 

I Think I'm back

Well, I sorta lost the blog bug for a while there.

Life was crazy, kids kept me busy, work kept me employed and financially afloat, but a lot has changed since I last made an effort to maintain my blog.

Let's make a short list of things that have changed!

1. Got my dreads back again in Feb
2. Got my drivers Licence in May
3. Became single last year
4. Moved into a kick ass Basement suite with the Kidlets
5. Share custody with the Ex on a week on week off basis giving me more time for Wicked Jess Adventures
6. Went to North Country Fair and had my mind blown

Here is the HAIR!  MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

And here is a TINY Glimpse at North Country Fair.  I MAY Post more pics.. But I don't want to join the Witness protection program...  And to answer your question, NO, I have NO idea who this quazi Waxed, Fully high Ron Burgundy Wanna be is.

Random pics