Day 5 - I shouldn't Rant at my Mother

I shouldn't rant at my Mother.

I love her with every speck of my soul

But I had to make things very clear....


So when she asked me WHY I had to be concise and clear.

Good morning. 

I guess for me I can see both sides. Like the song. - I've looked at life from both sides now. 

i can see why you want to get out of the city and the struggles you have with the daily city grind. There are possibly things that could be done make it not hard. And I see the kids will need to live in one place for school. 

I also see how you have always been so independent. You did what you wanted and took advantage of the opportunities that were there. You have always been so proud of how independent and hard working you were. The reason you have always been so independent is because you were hard working and you had control of your own finances and your own destiny. 

So as you get older - ask me as I know that happens - I see that without your own finances - you will become more dependent on those around you. You will give up the ability to choose. And that may at times be difficult. You may not get to do something you might want to do - like come to Vancouver. Or take the kids on a trip. Or as the kids get older they will spend more time with friends. And then as you get older you may wish not to work so hard - or are unable to work so   Hard then you become even more dependent on others to provide you with the basic needs of food and heat and stuff. I see a loss of independence for you. That is what troubles me a bit.  

I see that because I am here - not able to work. But I do see what you mean about the farm. I just see both sides.  

I love you 

Mum

Sent from my iPad

Here is my email reply to her this morning

Well maybe I should just stay here on my fat ass at TELUS, and work for money and live in this shitty city and be dependent on THIS system. The system of grocery stores, and capitalism, an economy that I cannot control and a system that is bound to collapse.

I could spend hours explaining it all to you, but you would just think I’m a conspiracy theorist nut case.

Or I could link you to a bunch of documentaries that you could watch while you are laid up in bed.

Or I could just tell you that there is no way for the systems that are in place now, to continue to maintain and support us into infinity.

WATER…

ECONOMY

OIL

WATER is first and foremost the most important commodity on earth and we are running out of fresh water faster than we know what to do about it.

But the average person like yourself, doesn’t REALIZE that and frankly, because of cognitive dissonance, the average Joe won’t even ACCEPT or understand the scale at which WATER is disappearing.

This isn’t even about TELUS about WORK about doing something different.

This is about permanently securing a future for myself and the kids.

This is about continuing.

This is about finding a way to ensure that PHEE can have kids and her kids can have kids.

Because with our current WATER crisis, we are going to have water wars in the next 10 – 15 years.

An economic collapse is inevitable.

Water wars are inevitable.

And everyone else can sit in their cushy fucking houses and be ignorant and naïve and think that nothing with ever change but I refuse to be ignorant.

WHERE WILL YOU BUY FOOD WHEN YOU CANT GO TO SAFEWAY?

Have you ever ever asked yourself that?

Probably not. Because you assume there will always BE grocery stores.

Are you aware that a grocery store only CARRIES 3 DAYS worth of food because it cannot hold more than that and it’s not cost effective or SAFE to keep more than a 3 day store of food? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUbKin-zrj4 

So what happens, when, let’s say oil prices sky rocket and the cost of transporting food goes up and your fancy Safeway in Caulfield hasn’t got any raw fruit and veg?

Where will you get fruit and veg?

Where will everyone in WEST van and lions bay get fruit and veg?

WHAT HAPPENS When the cost of oil is so high that ENGLAND who IMPORTS 87% of their FOOD Can No LONGER afford to pay to have their food shipped in on trucks?

WHAT happens to YOU when your taps no longer give you free running fresh clean water?

Do you know how many fucking people on this earth LIVE without TAPS?  Without clean running fresh water?

So what will YOU DO?

You know what you will do when the shit hits the fan, because it completely and undeniable GOING TO HAPPEN, You will come to beautiful Bergen Alberta, where I will have cisterns full of water, set up to catch water from the rain, the roof, the snow. Water purification systems set up to clean that water.

I just cannot live blindly, and oblivious to the fact that in 50 years… this world is NOT going to be what we know now.

I NEED TO SECURE A FUTURE FOR HUNTER AND PHEE.

MY CHILDREN WILL SURVIVE AND HAVE CHILDREN

And I will survive. And YOU WILL COME TO ME AND SURVIVE

And you can think that all of this is just conspiracy. But the FUCKING REALITY is that my children are going to be ALIVE in 50 years.

HOW MUCH OIL DO WE HAVE LEFT?!  AND HOW MUCH WILL THAT OIL COST in 25 years… 50 years?

The idea behind all of this is very very very simple.

SECURE YOUR OWN SYSTEM FOR SURVIVAL

Because I CANNOT In good conscious rely on the systems in place.

There is just too much pointing to inevitable collapse.

I’m sorry if all this sounds harsh, but this is it.

I don’t want to have to riot and fight in the streets of Calgary for FOOD and WATER and GASOLINE.

I don’t want to be living in a cold basement suite without any way to heat that basement suite WITHOUT GASOLINE or electricity.

I can’t heat water, clean water, purify water in that basement suite without gasoline or electricity.

In Alberta, my electricity IS GAS.. Natural GAS that they are FRACKING out of the ground WITH WATER!!! 

RUINING the water tables and the streams to SUCK the water out of the rivers and FORCE it back down INTO the earth to make the ground unstable and toxic, for natural GAS.

CAPITALISM has FUCKED us COMPLETELY.

Capitalism forced us into a state of complete disaster and gluttony.

Capitalism forced agriculture to a state of MAX capacity, where NOW!!! RIGHT NOW, ONE of the LARGEST threats to the environment in the fucking USA, is the WASTE produced by PIG FARMS… POISONING the water supply.

There are people all over the world right now, who understand the bigger picture, and they are leaving their lives within this system, walking away from everything and starting over, the right way. The way we used to do things.

There are people all over the world who are trying to fight MONSANTO and fight for SEED FREEDOMS.

And the people will not WIN against Monsanto. This company and this corporation is too big to fail. So instead of fighting against the systems and protesting… I’m going to GROWTEST..

IM GONNA BUG OUT OF THIS INSANITY AND GROW. AND THRIVE and NOT BE DEPENDENT ON THE TIT OF THE GOVERNEMENT AND ALL THE SYSTEMS IN PLACE.

And I will be thankful when a majority of the populations of these massive cities, is wiped out with riots and famine.

VANDANA SHIVA  http://www.facebook.com/savetheseed?fref=ts

I just cannot be a part of this system of EGO, GREED, SELFISHNESS, IGNORANCE, OBLIVIOUSNESS, And WASTE, VIOLENCE, and Destruction.

I do not HAVE to live within society and I do not agree with capitalism and I will not participate in it any longer. Its freaking INSANE to assume we have NEVER ENDING OIL SUPPLIES and NEVER ENDING WATER supplies and that the GROCERY stores will ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLWAYS be there to feed us, and we can go buy BRIE or EGGNOG when ever our little fucking heart’s desire and we can SHOWER ever day twice a day just because we have the luxury to do so.

HOW LUXURIOUS we will live when the government realizes that CANADA is running out of fresh water and has to regulate WHEN and HOW often and HOW long we shower for.

Are you aware that it is illegal to shower for more than 5 minutes in Australia?

ILLEGAL.

And right now… Scott and Jon and Andrea and Jordenne and I will all be looked at like extremist NUTCASES…

But I PROMISE and GARANTEE YOU That in 20 years, we will be 20 years AHEAD of the game.

Because this is coming down the pipe, and I will not wait until it is too late.

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/prophets-of-doom/

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/blue-gold-world-water-wars/  

 http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/dont-talk-about-the-weather/

 http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/the-world-without-water/

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/flow-for-love-of-water/ 

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/garbage-warrior/

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/how-to-save-the-world/

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/addicted-plastic/

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/earthlings/

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/the-world-according-to-monsanto/

I included all the links in the email for her as well. 

I may be extreme, but the fact remains. This is why I have made this choice. 

Day 13 of 31 For 21

Grab This Button

Ok So I'm kind of cheating in that I didn't start the 31 for 21 on the first of October, but I am going to try to finish the month at least.

Quickly, I will note that I have added a Reece's Rainbow Slide show button on the right to show my support of an absolutely wonderful cause.

I'm only just back in the blogosphere and I have a lot I would like to write about but I'm a little stressed, tired, and frankly, spread too thin to even think lately. Going back to work has certainly helped but I need to get back to a good solid routine.

Last night I didn't manage to get INTO bed until 1 am and then Phoenix was up at 4 looking for a snuggle and wanting to be tucked back in to bed. Hunter then woke up at about 5:20 and while I was trying to put him back to sleep Phoenix woke up again, which, pretty much woke Hunter up for good. I tried to snuggle them both back to sleep in Hunter's bed but neither one of them wanted to go back to sleep I guess. I was looking forward to Coleen's visit today so that I might be able to put Phee down for a nap and then have a snooze my self for an hour while Hunter played. That didn't work out quite as I had planned. Phoenix was getting pretty cranky around 8:30 am, so I put her back to bed and went to lay down on the couch and hang out with Hunter while we waited for Coleen. Hunt climbed up into his play pen that we have out in the living room at the moment and played quietly. I closed my eyes on the couch. I woke up at 9:15 and realised that Coleen was supposed to be over. I gave her a call to see if she was running late. She wasn't. She had been to the house, rang the door bell three times and had even called the house from the front step. And I slept right through it all. I can't tell you how upset I was when I realise that I had slept through her knocking and calling. I caused poor little Hunty to miss his play date. I just cried and cried. I felt so terrible, but I must have been absolutely exhausted if I didn't hear Coleen at all. How tired does a person have to be, to sleep through the door bell when the front door is less than 10 feet from where they are sleeping?

I spent 2 hours with Hunter myself this morning. Colouring, helping him with his glasses, playing with his guitar and drums.

I'm still mad at myself. And on top of all that Coleen has a doctor's appointment tomorrow, so he will miss her visit then as well. :(

Nana suggests I leave the door unlocked for Coleen I might have to do that.

Bad Mommy!

Bragging Rights!

Ok.. So i knit this little beauty last year for my parents as a Christmas gift and I haven't posted about it yet so I thought I would share. It is my best work so far, so it's only fair that I show it off.

I was knitting it right up until Christmas Eve. I was actually FINISHING it in my mothers living room while she watched but I told her I was making Dave a sweater. She couldn't figure out why I was knitting so madly on Christmas Eve. Phoenix was only 6 weeks old and any spare minute I had where she wasn't on the boob or in my arms I made Dave take her so I could keep knitting. It was down to the wire and I finally finished it right as we were finally ready for bed. Thankfully.

Day 5 of 31 for 21

Well I created and STARTED this post on the 5th and didn't publish it.

I'm off the hook!


Today is my last day of work. I am completely Enthralled!

I have zero to no motivation to work, so it's rather fortunate that it's extremely slow tonight!

Now, I get to fill my hours and days with house keeping, toddler minding, baby prepping, vacuuming, dinner making, kitchen cleaning, and doctors appointments!

Soo... Am I really off the hook?

Day 2 of 31 for 21

It's only day two of the 31. If I should forget to post one day, I ask that someone please comment on my blog so that I get an email telling me to get my act together.

Today is Oct 2nd, which means I have 3 more working days till I am on Maternity leave and 47 more days till the baby comes.

I am getting kind of worked up about the baby lately. I wish my momma had some time off at the beginning of November to come and help me get the house ready. I am having a harder time with the last trimester of this pregnancy than I was when I was knocked up with Hunter. He was quite small for dates (4lbs, 14 oz at birth, 36 weeks 3 days) and I really am beginning to think he didn't move very much. At the time we called him Kickypants Ross because he was so active, but I didn't have anything to compare his movements to. With this child, there are days when I am honestly sore from all the kicking and rolling and moving and the pressure is intense.

As for getting the house ready, I am a little overwhelmed because I am so pregnant and uncomfortable and irritated, tired and sore, and just all around cranky. I wish I had more energy to take care of everything that I feel is PRESSING. I think the best way to get the house ready for the new baby will be to make a decent list of all the things that I would like to get done and just start working away at the list.

We cut Sam's old loft bed down into a toddler bed for Bean the other night and got him a Mattress. I had NO idea that a single twin mattress was so expensive. We spend over 350$ on it, but it is an excellent mattress and considering how little and light he is, I'm sure that he will be able to use it for probably more than 15 years. I will have some pics of the old loft bed and the new toddler bed posted here asap so you can see what we have done.

That said, we have to do a little furniture rearranging to get the new baby's room in order. There are some things I would like to do in the room to make it a little more inviting as well. Just a few decorating ideas I have. After that, I think I will feel more comfortable and less stressed about the baby coming.

Tomorrow, My Girlfriend C, Dave, Beany and I are going to the Cardel Place Kids Garage sale. I'm hoping to find a few things for the new baby and some sleepers for Hunter. He has pretty much out grown all his pj's and when he wakes up in the morning he usually has a few snaps open and one if not both legs hanging out. He apparently IS getting taller. I also want to find him some big boy toys for learning. Something more suitable for toddlers so that we can put his old baby toys in the new babies room and he can have some new and fun things to play with. Rattles are sooo last year.

I must say that having another baby is exciting and terrifying at the same time. I really wanted Hunter to have a little baby brother or sister to grow up with so that he wasn't an only child. The age difference between he and Sam is so large that he is considered an only child and I didn't want him to grow up alone and bored. Nothing more entertaining than beating on your younger siblings! We weren't expecting, planning or trying for the new baby, but I am glad that it happened. This way we get all the baby nonsense over with ASAP and Hunter will be very close in age to Phoenix. But I have days where I wonder if my head is gonna pop off with the intensity and fear of it all. Two Babies Still in diapers. Double Strollers. Dueling Playpens. Double stuffed Diaper bags. Two different nap schedules. Three if you include Dad! Toddler food and baby food! Crawling and WALKING! I only have TWO hands! They will out number me. And then there will come a day when Phoenix and Hunter are working in cahoots against me! "Quick, Mom just went into the bathroom! Lift me up so I can get to the cookie jar!"

Is it just me or does anyone else ever go... "Holy shit! I'm not responsible enough for all of this!"

/sigh... I can do it.. I just need some help... Mom? Momma!!?? Mommy!! !!?!?

GRAMMA!! ??!

Black Eyed Bean

Learning to walk has it's Ups and Downs. You can see here the Black Eye that he got last night when he tripped and landed eyeball first on a toy bucket. Very faintly you can see a yellowish bruise right in the middle of his forehead from last week when he refused to put the cell phone down instead of catching himself. Instead of putting his hands out to land he hung on the the phone for dear life, landing forehead first on something or other. My poor guy! Im a good mommy! I promise!

Mommy and Me pics!

MY BOY!!! HE WALKS!!!

This morning when I got up to head off to work, I went downstairs to find Bean and Daddy hanging out in the living room. They had been up since 5! UGH!

For the last few weeks we have been working on getting Hunty to take some independent steps, or to just stand on his own. He is doing FanFrigginTastic! Yesterday in the garden he was pushing HIMSELF to a full stand from a crouching position and then standing for a while all on his own. He is getting REALLY good at this.

WELL! This morning Daddy held out his fingers for the Beany to hold on to and turned him toward me so that he could go greet his Mommy! Dave let go with his fingers and HUNTY TOOK THREE STEPS TO HIS MOMMY ALL BY HIM SELF!!! I was so excited! I wanted to call Nana right away but I had to wait as it was only 6 am in Nanaworld. So I called her at 7 am Nanaworld time! LOL I just couldn't wait to tell her! This kid will be walking in a month!


I have 12 days off starting June 26 - July 7th. Daddy, Mr Sam, Hunty and my self, are going to Great G & G's for a few days next weekend. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and possibly Monday if D takes the day off. We will get to do some relaxing, possibly some horse back riding, definitely some pool swimming, possibly some wiener roasting! I'm excited! Mind you I'm easily excited. But to top off this fabulous time away from home, Nana will be arriving on Monday night and Nana, Beany and I will spend some time doing some touristy things in and around the Cranbrook area. Then she will come back here to Calgary with us for a few days. I intend to change as few diapers as possible that week! WOOT!

Even D is looking forward to seeing Nana. He is actually quite sad that Nana wont make it for the beginning of our Cranbrook stay. She has a quilting engagement that she has to attend on Saturday, therefore she wont be able to drive the 14 hours to Cranbrook till Monday. I don't blame her. But this seems to sadden David. I think he really likes having a Momma, even if she is my Momma. I think the most important think for him is that Hunty has a Nana, as Samuel didn't get to have his Nana around for as long. :( Plus,my mother isn't like your typical Mother-In- Law Monster like some. She's fairly chill. Her only down fall is she is always right, but being my mother, I find this hard to accept, AND, She is a Grandbaby Mollycoddler! Hunter goes into withdrawal for a week after she goes homes from a visit with him.


"What do you mean no one wants to hold me?! Why isn't anyone picking me up!? I Grunted!! Where's Nana!!?"

We will have to get some more pics of Beany with Nana. This is the best one I have and I have posted it before. I also don't really have any pics of ME with the Bean, so I should get some of those too. Yay!


I was thinking the other day how ironic this trip to Cranbrook is. I was born and raised in Cranbrook until I was 13. When we moved to Vancouver it was the happiest day EVER! Finally some culture! And then for all of my teen years and a good portion of my twenties, I pretty much abhorred Cranbrook. It was a stinky, small town that had no class, no culture, no colour and nothing of interest for a young woman who wanted to experience the world. The irony is, now that I am 31 and have Hunter and a new baby on the way, Cranbrook is like this Ideal Vacation Get Away Spot.

Great G & G will be there. I wont have to do a bunch of packing, cleaning, cooking, spending of money. There is a pool on the family property, a nice fire pit, lots and friends and family to visit with, and it will be really warm and quite. I can go for a walk with Hunter and not have to deal with traffic. We can hop on a bus and go for ice cream and it will only take 30 minutes. We can go up to the lake and have a wiener roast and do some swimming and it doesn't have to be an all day event. There are cousins and kids for Sam to hang out with, Great Gram makes the best meals I have ever eaten, they are always the same, and ALWAYS exactly what a person needs on vacation. Homemade potato salad! Buttery Pancakes swirling through the house, waking me up with the scent of Fresh Syrup! OI! Walking 1/2 a block to the family pool knowing that we wont be late for lunch! Knowing there is no one I don't know staring at my pregnant belly in the pool! Even D feels more comfortable going for a swim there.

As you can see I am very excited. I probably wont have time to upload any pictures when I'm there. Although I will take a bunch. Actually, if I find time I will upload a bunch of pics to Great G's computer so that she can have copies, so if I can squeeze in time for a blog post as well I will. We leave on Friday afternoon next week. I have my 18 week Ultra sound that morning as well. So there will be a lot of catching up to do when I get back!

YAY! Vacation FTW!

Happy Mother's Day

To My mother
To My Grandmother
And to You!




Because you are strong

Even when you’re not

Because you are always there

Especially when you can’t be

Because when people say, ‘How do you do it?’ you wonder, ‘How would I not?’

Because you can make everything better with a band-aid and a kiss

And because it nearly destroys you when you can’t

Because you laugh at knock-knock jokes that make no sense

Because you cry at the drop of a hat

Because you are terrified to let them go

And because you do

Because you haven’t eaten a hot meal in years

And because you’ve barely noticed

Because you know all the words to ‘hush little baby’

Or because you make them up

Because you’ve read the same bedtime story so many times

That you could do it in your sleep

And because sometimes you do

Because your kiss to a hot forehead is no less accurate than a thermometer

Because you know the power of ice cream

And the power of withholding it

Because you have eyes in the back of your head

Or at least they think you do

Because you know there is no finer art than what’s on your fridge

Because there is no limit to your love

But there are limits and rules and expectations in your home

Because in your eyes, every human being is another mother’s child

Because there is literally nothing you wouldn’t do to protect your babies

Because your babies may be 35, but they’re still your babies

Because they make you the best version of yourself

Especially when you feel like the worst

Because the phrase ‘full time mom’ strikes you as absurd

Because you can’t imagine what it would mean to be a ’part-time mom’

Because you are patient

Even when you’re not

Because you could watch your child sleep for hours

Because you see miracles in the smallest victories

And opportunities in every defeat

Because you would take all their pain if you could

And because you don’t

Because you can’t imagine life without them

Because you know and do and are so much more than you give yourself credit for

Because today is your day

Happy Mother’s Day

Before I was a Mom

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.



Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom.


May you always be overwhelmed by the Grace of God rather than by the cares of life.